March 2010

I never thought I would get so frustrated with singles life in Pueblo that I would find love a 10-hour flight away. But that's what it's come down to.

Yes, I have officially gone nuts and decided to date one of my best friends who just so happens to live in England and, honestly, it's kind of fun. I have tons of free time (which I relish) as my boyfriend doesn't live within a 50-mile radius. I have excuses to take trips to England, and I am completely satisfied emotionally and intellectually (although the physical aspect of our relationship suffers somewhat). As a matter of fact, I have better conversations with my boyfriend over Skype (a free Internet phone and video conferencing service) than I do with most men here in town.

But before I go on promoting long-distance relationships, I should probably give you the back story on mine. I met Tristan in the fall of 2007, when I was working on my Master's degree in Brighton, England. We immediately hit it off. Tristan's calm and friendly attitude absorbed my often-abrasive and outspoken characteristics, and I helped him break out of his overly polite and complacent British mannerisms. We were a good balance, but since we had both just gotten out of long-term relationships, we were nowhere near dating material for each other.

When I moved back to the States, I continued to remain in constant contact with Tristan, and although the distance made it difficult to have the same connection we once had through our weekly dinner dates and frequent social outings, we began to send each other immensely detailed e-mails concerning the mundane particulars of our lives. These correspondences made me feel closer to Tristan than I felt to anybody else, and I began to realize that even the Atlantic Ocean could never keep us apart.

After numerous confessions of love and unrealistic promises to rendezvous on a tropical island if the whole immigration thing doesn't work out, Tristan and I came to the conclusion that we can make our relationship work despite being separated by nearly 5,000 miles. It hasn't been easy, but we have been making it for the past six months.

We also have a solid plan on how we're going to make our relationship work, and we both promised to wait no more than a year to get the ball rolling. We are both prepared to move to the other's country, depending on our respective job situations. Luckily, we both have jobs that allow us to work in a variety of different countries, which definitely helps our situation. We have also discussed doing something crazy together like teaching English in Southeast Asia or working on our PhDs in Budapest. It's actually quite fun (and nerve-wracking) coming up with different ways to be together.

If you are contemplating dating someone who lives far away, here are some tips which I hope help you as they've helped my partner and me.

Make realistic goals for the future that will bring you and your partner together and work toward those goals.
For example, Tristan and I have come up with about five scenarios of how we can make our relationship work in the long run, and we're diligently scoping out all of the possible ways we can increase our chances of being together.

Consistent communication is a must!
Although it can be inconvenient and is sometimes impossible, I always make time in my day to send Tristan an e-mail or text, and we often pick times we know we'll both be available to Skype. We rarely go a day without some form of communication.

Schedule regular visits so you will have something to look forward to.
This can get quite expensive, but it reaffirms the fact that you and your partner are in a real relationship.

Set realistic expectations for yourself and communicate with your partner.
If you are the type of person who knows you will want to see other people while waiting, let your partner know. Also, do not try to force yourself into a long-distance relationship if you think you will be miserable the whole time.

These are just a few of the things I have learned in the past six months, but so far I'm quite happy and unscathed.

If you are bored with the dating scene in Pueblo and want to scope out potential partners somewhere else in the world, give it a try; you might be surprised by what's out there!

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