Single Files: Is that mistletoe in your pocket?
Written by Rico Amore | 
1. Ye liveth in yon olde Married Lame Couple town. Every house party, get together, or other organized event you go to is mobbed with cute couples holding hands while you gaze into your red wine alone. So what to do? Make like a tree and book it to a local coffee shop. Coffee smells good and the cool coffeehouses are inviting enough to hang out in alone without feeling like you have a third arm growing out of your head.
2. You're a Bah Humbug. Forget it, nothing is worth the agony of holiday parties while you pretend to be happy for people who found that special someone and are now getting married and having a kid-barf. Unfortunately, your only hope for this condition is to find someone who is as big a Scrooge as you, which might not be too hard if you typically meet people smoking outside bars at 2 a.m. discussing the finer inventions of MacGyver.
3. You're always at an all-male party. Although there's more nuts than squirrel heaven, this one doesn't suck too bad because you can just drink and grunt to each other without worrying if you're hurting someone's feelings. Still, you could do better. The obvious answer is some co-ed partying; but how will you know where to go? Just ask where people are going later and you will usually find people more than willing to help.
4. You're broke as a joke. That's not funny. December is usually too cold to enjoy the free outdoors, so now what? Try the library. Aside from the fact that it's full of books you've never read, (you are broke, maybe you should've read a book on making money) it's free. While you're there, check out a book on dating. Rico is a fan of research. Either way, your odds are not too good for hooking up with someone whilst you peruse the free DVD section. But you never know, someone could like I, Robot just as much as you do.
5. Jackpot-a holiday party with hot single people. Look around and relish the moment. This is the motherload, my friend! It doesn't get any better (unless it's a holiday wedding-but that's another story). Manna dipped in ambrosia wrapped in bacon pales in comparison to what's in store if you can keep it together.
Before we go any further-did you bring a gift? This is a must. Pick a bottle of tequila, or some wine, or at least a sixer of PBR to bring as a gift for the host of such a monumental evening. It's the proper thing to do and you will look like an ass if you don't.
You should look good and smell good-no excuses. Think of your best (read cute and sappy) puppy story to tell, and stay near the booze. But, absolutely do not get drunk. I've seen many a potential encounter ruined by being a drunken ass. Breaking things, fighting, and puking are sure ways to remain single. Unless it's a dinner party, eat before you go so you don't look like a pig with cheese crumbs smeared in your snowman sweater.
You will also want to avoid drunk girls. I know this sounds like the opposite of what you were looking for, but the consequences of a drunk girl can far outlast the hook up you barely remember.
If you follow these guidelines, these words to live by, then you should end up showing someone your North Pole by the end of the night.
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