September 2009 Issue

I did something really stupid. I recently got back with my ex-boyfriend. What is even more stupid is that I had broken up with him four times and kept taking him back. "Taking back of the ex" is a common thing. I suppose it can be a good thing in some cases, but it just ended up being hell for me.

I broke up with this goon many times for many reasons-too many to list, but mostly for being an overall piece of shit. I would go without him for a few weeks and then, BAM! All he had to do was call me and kiss my ass, and even though I knew what he was doing, eventually he was moving his stuff back in.

I did still care for him. But then he had a bad situation and I felt sorry for him. So instead of feeling sorry for him at a distance, which I should have done, I took him back. Over and over again.

It was co-dependency at its finest. That is for damn sure. And again, I knew it. Why do we do such things? Are we afraid to be alone? Do we settle because we don't think we are good enough for anyone else? Do we want to provide grade-A fodder for our friends? I'm guilty of much of that, but no matter the reason, I knew better. This guy is toxic. Everything he touches turns to shit, yet I welcomed it back many times.

I wasn't really trying to get back with him. I wanted to try to be friends with an ex, which is something I have never done. Now I know why. I enjoyed his company and he lives in another town, so the distance and space were really nice. That is, until he started taking me to look at houses, motorcycles and wedding rings!

I started freaking out, but only on the inside. The last time I left him (break-up #4) he went to stay with a friend because we had been fighting. While he was gone I packed up the apartment without a word and came back to Pueblo. Now if that doesn't say, "We are finished!" then I don't know what does.

But, no. I took him back. Soon we got into a minor argument that I turned into a major one. I pulled out the psycho girlfriend! The memories of what he had put me through suddenly came flooding over me and I snapped! So much so that he changed his cell number while he was walking out the door and e-mailed me that he never wanted anything to do with me again. Finally! Sweet release (break-up #5 and final).

I had said and done things I never thought I would, and I could not believe my actions. My mother argued that I did not "snap," that I knew exactly what I was doing and that this was good.

Since this break-up is on his terms, maybe now he will leave me alone when he is feeling bored and lonely. To be honest, I am not holding my breath. But I have learned my lesson. If someone doesn't want you anymore, to hell with them. Move on. If you are the one calling it off, remember all of the reasons you called it off in the first place. Above all, remember that exes are exes for a reason.

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