August 2010

Being single during the summer must be horrid for some but is pleasantly delightful for me. The heat does strange things when you are a 29-year-old with a screaming libido, who is packing ovaries! I am almost 30, and the heat is making me go into heat big time. For this single gal, the summer months are the best. Horny men are abundant and acting as crazy as I am. Plus, there is much more to see and do when you're not trying to get laid. But who am I kidding . . . I'm always trying to get laid!

 

During this exciting time of the year, I call upon category number one from my best friend arsenal: the fuck buddy. With no husband and no shitty boyfriend in sight, I use the "buddy system" a lot. These men take care of me sexually. They already know what I like in bed and most importantly they know the rules and abide by them. If not, then "NEXT!"

 

• FB Rule One: No one ever stays the night. If I am at his place, I am gone like a kinky Cinderella. A single girl who does not want a relationship must remain attachment free. Rule one is a must.

 

• FB Rule Two: Only contact me for sex! Again, this rule allows me and my single counterparts to remain uninvolved. Trust me; you do not want to get involved. Don't call me because your dog died. I don't care. Just fuck me then leave. (I never look for anyone new during summer because it involves a lot of bullshit and I want to enjoy my summer - drama-free with plenty of hot steamy sex!

 

Category number two of best friends is a gay guy. Each single gal should have at least one gay best friend. I am lucky, however; I have TONS! I kid you not, darlings, I am the biggest fag hag outside of San Francisco. The gay guy is like a boyfriend that won't try to fuck you. Kind of like my ex! (insert comedic sound effect) Almost every gay mate I know is pretty damn attractive, which sucks in one way but is good in another. They know how to dress, how to act, and above all they see me for me - not for my Dolly Partons, my Kim Kardashian or my Georgia O'Keefe.

 

Another killer reason for befriending gay men is that during the "single summer," they know where to go, what to do, and they know how to give a gal a good time - without the sex, of course. My gay guys have the hook-up when it comes to the best shows, events, music, and food. If I want to see the Rockies play, I can, because "It's on the house." Say I want killer carrot cake, "We gotcha baby girl." No straight guy I have ever met has or will treat me better. And if he does, trust me, he is gay!

 

With friends like mine, who needs the headache of a relationshit? Not me. I can have my carrot cake and eat it too. And, I can have it all with only a text or a phone call.

 

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