December 2009 Issue

Since I'm single, I have a lot of time on my hands-time I used to spend dealing with stress and bullshit from my now ex-boyfriend. I now can enjoy my hobbies, like going out with my friends, watching gay porn and perusing the ever-popular, ever-changing Urban Dictionary.

The web-based Urban Dictionary is chock-full of neologisms-very current words and phrases you can't find in standard dictionaries. Right now, the site contains over four million definitions and more are added daily. Submissions are regulated by volunteer editors and rated by site visitors, who tend to be a younger population. Time magazine's Anita Hamilton placed the Urban Dictionary on her 50 best websites of 2008 list.

Definitely not a G-rated web site, a high percentage of entries are sexual, coarse and profane. Of course, this is what I love about the Urban Dictionary. Racist, homophobic or sexist terms are acceptable as long as their definitions only document the use of such slurs and are not themselves abusive. Site guidelines recommend that submitters and volunteer editors shun definitions that include in-jokes, personal references, non-celebrities, nonsense, advertisements, or descriptions of sexual violence.

To give you an idea of what you might find in the Urban Dictionary, I thought I would share a few of my favorites-with a few Caicee Quinn adjustments. Enjoy!

Sex: 1. A painful activity in which a man, using the stiffest and pointiest part of his pelvic region, repeatedly stabs a female in her crotch until he feels satisfied. 2. Similar to math: add bed, subtract clothes, divide legs and pray you don't multiply!

Orgasm: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The reason for living. 3. What occurs during an Herbal Essence commercial.

Anal Sex: 1. The ultimate form of birth control. 2. Ouch!

Gay: 1. Happy. 2. Homosexual. Also used by asshole homophobes to mean stupid!

Genitals: 1. Funny word for cock and balls. 2. The things that hurt when you kick them.

Masturbation: 1. Mass murder of millions of tiny defenseless sperm. 2. Best form of safe sex and birth control.

Porn: 1. Reason you need a new hard-drive. 2. A way for young female Americans to afford university education.

Condom: 1. A 75-cent insurance policy for teens who wanna bone.

Birth Control: Something your mom forgot to use before you were born.

For more definitions about anything really, log onto urbandictionary.com.

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