November 2009 Issue

While the struggle for equal rights and the right to marry continues in the gay community, there are several different levels of involvement and engagement among us. As a proud member of the gay community and someone who's not afraid of public displays of affection, I sometimes forget that there are those who are not as comfortable in the less-accepting society that is the 21st century USA.

I have a good friend who is out to her family and friends, and even lives with her girlfriend. (I'm going to call her Alice in this article, but it is not her real name.) Yet, Alice doesn't feel it's necessary to be out and open about who she is to the rest of the world. As a lesbian who doesn't think twice about holding my girlfriend's hand in public, it was at first hard to understand where Alice was coming from. We recently spoke, and her insight actually made me see the gay world from another view.

Another publication in this town wrote an article about our Gay Pride day. The rather generic article included photos that only showed the stereotypical members of the queer community-drag queens and men in ass-less leather chaps. Alice brought up these photos in our conversation. She pointed out that there were no pictures of the hundreds of other gay people who were there that day. The ones who, to all those who were judging, looked rather normal.

She explained that with the help of the media, and lack of understanding from the wider community, society has a false image of what gay really is. This is why Alice does not want to come out at work or in society in general. She doesn't want people to assume she fits their stereotypical image of gay people.

Alice, like many of us, is a normal everyday person. She lives her life every day, knowing exactly who she is. She isn't living in denial or hiding away in a closet; she simply chooses to live her life for her. And, until society is accepting of who she really is, she sees no reason to change. Alice is full of confidence in herself and her relationship-so much so that she doesn't feel the need to stand and shout for her rights.

I can understand that. Not everyone is like me: Writing the gay column in a local independent paper; volunteering to be on boards that put on special gay events; and even reaching out to the youth of the community. That's okay.

Being gay doesn't automatically make you political. We all need to be comfortable in our own lives. The gay community is big, and its vitality is growing. We all have a place in the community, and I believe we all have the same goal in mind. Someday we will be accepted as a normal part of society.

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