May 2010

Great Quotes*

"Money isn't everything, but it's way ahead of whatever is in second place." - The Beatles

"Sire, the peasants are revolting. King: The peasants have always been revolting." - Wizard of Id.

"Never say you're sorry. It's a sure sign of weakness." - John Wayne

In response to the Tea Partier's response [Letters to the Editor April 2010] to Ask Legendary March 2010

Dear Ken,

After reading your letter to P.U.L.P. outlining the source of Tea Party anger, I imagined a wide range of responses (being called naive was refreshing, it made me feel young and idealistic again). I considered trading snark for snark. Like a WWF cage match, say the Gipper vs. the Silver Surfer or maybe Love-Thy-Brother-Hippie Jesus vs. Burn-In-Everlasting-Hell-Texas Jesus.

I considered a careful point-by-point deconstruction of your issues, but you always win that game, a Republican think tank produces talking point after talking point, and any attempt to rationally address your arguments is lost in the sheer volume of false premises. There goes my attempt to take the high road!

Ken, I don't know if Glen Beck would be proud of you, or sue you for identity theft.

When most of America, and most of the world, for that matter, see a tea party rally, they only see the whites of your eyes. It's like Sarah Palin's own government-subsidized, frothing-at-the mouth Zombie army. Are unemployment checks communistic?

America faces enough security risks without Tea Partiers being all locked and loaded. Contrived rhetoric produced Timothy McVeigh. Ironic, considering how the Republicans implemented the Patriot Act, a looking over your shoulder domestic surveillance program. You created your own big brother! Patriot Act - who could not like that, it's a got a ring to it.

I asked in the piece, where were the Tea Partiers during the Bush Administration, and had they been blind in their loyalty. I was hoping there might be some sense of responsibility for the harm that's been done, from which America may never fully recover.  The framers of the Constitution might not have condoned giving multinational corporations unlimited power to influence even local elections. I don't think they thought about that in 1776. No popes nor kings shall hold sway! I was hoping that if the Republicans regained power, they wouldn't do the same sorts of things again, thanks to your vigilance.

The psychologist says to the character-disordered patient, you are accusing people of doing what you do; it's called projection. The doctor then attempts to show the patient that they are in some ways responsible for the problems they face. But you know this, being the party of personal responsibility, moral rectitude and pristine American values.

If, however, you feel you have fallen short of your lofty ideals, I have a conspiracy theory just for you. Dick Army and his Dark Army have been using advanced psychological manipulations and their control of the mainstream media to influence the electorate for years. Their methods are a distillation of industrial psychology, military psyops, addiction therapy, dysfunctional family dynamics (i.e. static family roles), anger transference, identity projection, Jungian iconic symbolism, target marketing, historical referencing, and good old-fashioned slander. These good old boys are good.

To insulate the very rich from the unwashed masses requires extraordinary measures. It requires extraordinary measures to implement policies that expand the wealth of such a tiny, vulnerable, yet infinitely powerful minority.

Maybe some day if you keep up the good work, they may let you hold their horses, while they go in your house to take a dump.

-Legendary

*Poetic license may have been employed in the introductory quotes.