April 2010

Great Quotes

A feast is made for laughter,

and wine makes life merry,

but money is the answer for everything.

-Ecclesiastes 10:19

It's over God so, taste the soul food,

Red wine means a good life,

Cash rules everything around me.

-The Wu-Tang Clan

Dear Len Gerry,

With our country deeply entrenching itself further in Iraq and Afghanistan, and with Guantanamo Bay still open for business, I'm kind of curious: is Obama a sellout?

-Curious

Dear Curious,

Did you know that goldfish have no memory? So every time they swim around the bowl they see that little plastic "No Fishing" sign and feel relieved that they're safe. That's kind of like you, Curious, every time you vote. You chanted some slogans, forwarded some Myspace bulletins and then voted for change. You felt good about yourself-for a little while. But then you immediately went back to your television, your video games, and your bong. More of you voted in the last American Idol election than voted for the presidential. Honestly, a government is as corrupt as its people are lazy. We all get what we exactly deserve.

-Len Gerry

Dear Len Gerry,

What with the recent rise in gang violence in Pueblo, are you, like me, afraid of gangsters?

-Afraid

Dear Afraid,

Yes I'm afraid of gangsters, but I'm most afraid of the ones in suits. You see, we all want the same things in life: money, power, women, and diamond-studded teeth. The drug dealer on the corner is the same as a doctor who makes 300K a year selling heart medicine at four times its worth to old ladies who need it to live.

My credit card company has raised my rates four times since I got the damn card, even though I always pay my bill on time. And now just as it looks like I may get out of debt slavery some time this decade, I see on the news that my credit card company is considering adding a 30 dollar-a-month charge for not using my card. Some member of a local gang might jack you once for a gold chain, but they would never be as heartless as Bank of America.

-Len Gerry

P.S. Don't wear gold chains and you'll be fine. Unless you have a credit card then you're screwed.