Great Quotes

“Possessions are a method for turning money into problems.” —Bono

“Beer is a bad drink at cocktail parties, especially if you don’t know where the bathroom is.” —Billy Carter

“Conservatives are pissed because everything is changing. Liberals are pissed because everything remains the same.” —From the wit of some old irony

Dear Legendary,

Oprah is leaving! How will I fill the 3-4pm spot in my day?

I think she’s a great American and an inspiration to women, black people and the world.

—A sincere Oprah-o-phile

Dear Oprahettes,

Abused women and children everywhere can breath a momentary sigh of relief; their humiliation and pain will not be used to boost Oprah’s ratings, expand her empire, or increase her sponsors’ sales of cleaning products, cosmetics, and the general effluvium of day-to-day consumption.

A generation became peeping toms into the agony of privileged childhoods, incest, and other not-so-secret secrets.

Oprah is also internationally famous, convincing the rest of the world that Americans are wife-beating, child-raping, shallow, overweight voyeurs, who are patronizingly generous. To the Italians, who watch Oprah regularly, Amanda Knox must be guilty, she’s an American. And thanks to Oprah, they know how we really are.

Oprah, why don’t you show Americans what a 9mm pistol round does to bone, and what bone fragments do to the surrounding flesh of a black adolescent in hometown Chicago? (But there might be a little push-back from the gun lobby.)

Oprah, why don’t you explain the consequences of coal-fired power to America? (There might be a little push-back from the power companies.)

Oprah’s real lesson is about the feckless and venal nature of megalomania. Victims often become unwitting panderers. People like her will always come bobbing to the surface; like over-ripe fruit, they define the rest of the basket.

—Legendary

P.S. Oprah knows what Marshal McLuhan knew, that everybody will stare at a dead kitten, and see the universe.