February 2010

If you’re like most people, you’re always wondering where to get a latex cat suit or some 6-inch heels. Maybe you’re after some personal lubricant and incense, or tobacco products, a blowup doll and an erotic penis cake pan?

Still no? Perhaps some x-rated movies and lingerie? Well friends, Unmentionables is the place for you. And who better to ask the 20 most important questions in the world than Janell?

PULP: What is the craziest thing anyone has ever asked for?

Janell Montano: Probably there are two things. One is people ask for bestiality movies or magazines, and the other is a toy called The Fist, it’s a big rubber arm that goes all the way to the elbow.

P: What is your biggest seller around Valentine’s Day?

JM: It would be toys. Especially the Butterfly Kiss for girls and, for guys, a pill called Stiff Nights.

P: Are there days you’d just rather work at a library or doctor’s office?

JM: Myself no, I’m my own boss. I do all the buying for the store and I go shopping once a month and get to spend around $15,000. Most people think it’s just about the porn, but it’s a lot more than that. We carry shoes, size five through 15, and even though the bigger sizes are mostly for guys, there are girls who are glad we carry sexy shoes in larger sizes.

P: If you could have any size sandwich, what would it be and how big?

JM: I would have a foot-long salami.

P: Do guys flirt with you all the time? What is the lamest pickup line you’ve heard?

JM: Yes, guys flirt all the time. And the worst line is when guys say, ‘has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful?’ And I’m like, ‘yes about fifty times today.’ Especially some of them you know are creeps. But we get a good mix of people from cops to church people to older couples.

P: If you could rename America, what would you call it?

JM: Umm, hmmm, I would call her…. I don’t know. Heavenleigh Dream.

P: If you won the lottery what is the first thing you’d buy?

JM: I would buy an island. I’d take my family and live there.

P: How did you decide to work in an adult fantasy store?

JM: I ran the bar next door, Bootleggers, and they would always come in and ask me to work and when I got tired of the bar I came in and they hired me right away and I’ve been here ever since. It’s been about two and a half years now.

P: What advice do you have for guys picking out lingerie?

JM: Know the size. Don’t pick things that are too big. Check sizes of things they already have. If it’s too small, it’s bad and if it’s too big, it’s really bad. Definitely know your sizes.

P: Do you have any tattoos? Why and of what?

JM: I do. I have my last name on my chest, my daughter’s and my husband’s name on my shoulder and Murderess 719 on my back. I like them, but I think they hurt worse than labor.

P: Who do you feel is the most overrated modern band or musician?

JM: I’d have to say Paris Hilton and her stupid music.

P: If you could create a new law for Pueblo what would it be?

JM: You have to comb your hair; or legalize marijuana.

P: What is one holiday you could do without?

JM: I like them all. I’d rather create a holiday. I would have a Just Because holiday. You get presents just because.

If you haven’t been to Unmentionables, it’s worth the trip. They are located at 1400 Sante Fe Drive, Suite D.